- Always in my <3

ALWAYS IN MY HEART

After Puffy left me, I went through the photos I have of him over the years. (just 1 and a half year, actually...) and compiled together some stories so that he will never be forgotten. Puffy lives on through these pages. ??

The following is written out like diary entries, hence the date.

Jan 2, 2011

Losing my first pig (the first I got, and the first to go...) has been absolutely heartbreaking. Who could have predicted such a fate for my bubbly Puffy? He was enjoying life so much, being knocked around by his various mistresses and daughters. not that it bothered him

"uh...someone remind me WHY I slept with Snowy again...? "

*scratch scratch*

That kidney stone. It's not like I can hate it, it's not even alive. it's just a...stone. A stupid stupid stone. After Puffy's cremation and I have had time to think over things, I started going through a guilt-phase. I kept tormenting myself with the what-ifs. I wrecked my brain with every little detail that happened that could have led to this terribly end. I remember how Puffy's health started deteriorating gradually in the previous 2 months. I kept trying to figure it out back then, remember the posts when he was "feeling a bit off"? Even the vet couldn't make a clear diagnosis. She just said "there's definitely something wrong with him. But we don't know what" *Rolls eyes*, sigh.

2 weeks prior to his passing, he was losing weight again, and I brought him to the vet. She said it was his cecum, and his digestive problem. I was instructed all the basics/obvious like continue CC feeding, feed lots of hay for fibre, VC tablet supplements, etc. Puffy was prescribed Mitanidazole (spellcheck please), Cisapride, and Metacam. I fed him, did everything I was told. Yet 2 weeks later, he started bleeding from the anus.

I remember at the vet, she initially suggested a blood test and xray. That was 2 months ago. Xrays and blood tests can usually tell us a lot, but the cost was just....insane. I am just a student and the cost is always something I must take into account. It is not fair to "abuse" my dad's credit card....but now I think back, maybe I should have done that blood test? that Xray? maybe something might have shown up? But when Puffy was eventually hospitalized, they DID do the blood test and xray, and it yielded not much (apart from being anemic, since he was bleeding), it was the ultrasound that detected the deadly stone. and no one thought of or mentioned an ultrasound previously....how can I think of just doing an ultrasound, out of the blue? And even IF we found the stone back then, it will be a high risk surgery nonetheless. Will I be willing to take that risk? Is it better that we did nothing back then, and I could spend a few more weeks with him...?

I'm also told that sometimes stones just appear, in a short space of time. That when diet is not a factor, it is probably genetic.

That didn't seem fair.

It's like saying "this is Puffy's fate, there's nothing you can do" or..."this is what's meant to happen to him...". What the heck? Then what am I here for? I am supposed to watch over him, make sure he is well and happy, and that IS what I did. Perhaps I was somewhat incompetent, or that....life just has a lot of cruel twists in it. Whatever it is, Puffy is now MY guardian angel, and I miss him everyday.

It just struck me earlier that Puffy didn't even live as long as my hamsters....(sob) I think of all the happy times we could have spent together. I really mean it when I say that there will never be a piggy like Puffy. I love all my remaining 12 pigs, but what set Puffy apart from them all was that he was the only one who needed ME as much as I needed him. In the weeks that followed, I am well aware of how...independent all my other pigs are. Sure, some will sidle over to me to see if their "food machine" has anything to offer, but most of the time when I reach my hand out, to my dismay, they will scurry off. I have the feeling that they are "tolerating" me, putting up with my cuddles. They don't really need me. Yet Puffy loved me back....he never once ran away from my hand, from day 1.

Day 1

He knew just how to position his head against my chest when I held him, so that I knew I meant a lot to him. When I bring him on my bed for snuggles, he will settle right down and make himself comfortable, as the idea of "snuggles in human-bed" is just as appealing to him, as it is to me.

"Where is mama...she is an hour late for snuggle time..."

"SIGH, still no sign of her!"

To be fair, Shylie is very sweet. She used to be so scared of everything. But ever since living with me, she's gone through such a lovely change, and is the undisputed QUEEN. I feel rather bad for Snowy sometimes when Shylie is in one of her moods...and just kicks Snowy out of her bed for no reason:P Shylie lets me scratch her and sometimes even purrs. PJ adores with chin scritches, period. Cotton likes to pop his puff-of-a-cloud head over the coroplast to whistle hi to the hamsters across the room. Shirley is quite relaxed too, and Snowy LOVES head rubs. I love all these little things about them. But I just can't stop missing the one pig who started it ALL.

Many of you told me that Puffy lives on in his beautiful babies, and yes! I love them so very much. I will take the best care of his wives and kids. Minipuff looks so much like her dad, that should be a happy thing, right? But sometimes it just makes me cry. The other day, I held Minipuff in my arms, the way I always hold my Puffy. I looked down at her, and gave a start. For a second, I thought she IS Puffy. She looks so very much like him. That one pink ear, the half white face. And I was so delighted I could see Puffy through Minipuff. But the next second, I burst into tears. Because she is NOT Puffy. She can never be...how can she? There is only one Puffy.

I feel stronger now. I have framed a photo of him and put it right on my desk, he keeps me from pulling my hair out with all these textbooks and worksheets!!!!!! I don't break down every time I think about him anymore, and I start to know what you all mean when you say that eventually I can remember Puffy with all the happy memories. Yes, there were plenty that bring a smile to my face. I know that one day, we will meet again. At the rainbow bridge. It pains me the most when I think of how very long that will be. All the years ahead of me, that I will have no Puffy.

I will miss those Puffy-less Photoshoot:

Puffy: "I can't see with this darn hat, ma"
Pudding and Minpuff: "Let's huddle together, all this flashing-camera business is sca-wee!"
Cotton: "Can I go to the girls now?? What's the big deal with this Harry Pig and the Sorting Hat?"

"Can I get a pink hat instead!!!"

Oh dear...first day of school at Pigwarts and we have 3 skivers already, here is a rather dejected Puffydore..

"Ma! You really think this makes me look WISE? Does that expression on my daughter's face spell a-d-m-i-r-a-t-i-o-n? Where is the half moon specs?"

"Uh...waz this now? PRE-school? I thought I was headmaster of the greatest School of Sowcraft and Boar-zardry? How humiliating! "

Puffy has taught them well...I am now slave to 12 pigs.....

I think of you everyday.

Jan 4, 2011

*cheery music in the background...*
lick lick

"What's that, mommy?"

*suddenly alert*
"Wait, WHAT?"

*realization sinking in..........*

"I was a...a... runt?!"

Don't worry, he was a very much-loved runt!

"Ma...admit it......runt or not,"

"I have better hair than any muscly boarly-boar pig out there!"

Although gorgeous hair didn't always prove particularly helpful when living up to cavies' reputation of "good peripheral vision". I think this pig had NO vision at all!

Sometimes I wonder whether Puffy really had a "luxurious, relaxed, pampered life" when his domestic life is quite accurately depicted in this photo:
*polite cough*

"um....is it MY turn yet?"